The Sting of Loneliness
The feeling of loneliness is a tricky one, because when it feels the most acute it’s impossible to reach out. The need in that moment can feel like a ferocious hunger of your soul that threatens to pull you with it into the abyss. It’s like there is a huge black whole right behind you, roaring, and like a tornado it’s sucking everything in, only for it to disappear into nothingness. All it emanates is destruction and the state of being lost.
What to do in such a moment? – You have to find your strength within.
In my mind I crouch down, and I focus on the fact that I’m not alone. I have forged alliances within myself, and we’ve made a promise that we would stand side by side always.
I can feel how an inner space opens up while I’m doing this, and with it comes the strength to hold my ground. The threat eases off, and when I finally stand up and open my inner eyes, the black whole has gone. All is quiet and what is left is a desert of grey dust. It’s not pretty, but it’s something I can work with.
Why am I sharing this with you? Loneliness has a huge stigma, because the need for connection is so strong. It easily overwhelms people and our first reaction is to draw away. Who wants to take on something like that? It’s too much.
The best position to reach out to people and to build new connections is when you don’t feel needy, and instead you’re in a state of being able to give, feel grounded in yourself and able to reach out without the need of expecting something in return.
So when it comes to your private moments of despair, YOU are your best bet to get through.
I invite you to stop running away, and instead face your darkest self. By facing your fears, you bring them into the light and that’s how they become smaller and that’s how your shadows fall behind.
Through meditation, breathwork and self-reflection we can draw closer to the light that is within us. Start practising and explore what there is to find for you, so that when you’re in need you have resources you can draw upon. One of the many practises you can do is RAIN, by Tara Brach. Another great eye opener for me was ‘Handbook for Hard Times - A Monk's Guide to Fearless Living’ by Gelong Thubten.
May you find courage and lean into the light! – From my light to yours.