Hello and welcome, thank you so much for your time, I promise to keep things short.

My story / part 1

My lifelong journey of finding more inner spaciousness & balance

What happened that made me want to change and why

When I came out of my teenage years, I had very little self-esteem, self-love or self-worthiness. I felt unseen, different, not enough. I carried a great sense of not belonging, like having no ground beneath my feet and worse of all utterly alone.

This was despite growing up in a relative stable and loving family, despite being part of a great group of friends and despite being an active member of my local church and sports club. Of course, not everything was perfect, but it’s not like I went through a massive traumatic experience that would, at least in parts, explain it all.

Frequently I experienced crises that left me feeling overwhelmed with life.

This was the starting point of my journey towards greater inner peace.

What I explored and discovered along my journey of change

I’ve always carried the belief that there is a better version of myself somewhere! And like a north star it has guided me over the years to keep exploring, listening, engaging and learning of whatever I could get hold off that carried a stardust of truth. I went to therapy, read self-help books, kept journals, I prayed, I allowed myself to be loved and practised to let go. I discovered I could journey inwards and also backwards and that I could make friends along the way. One of the biggest learnings for me was to understand that I’m not my feelings, and just because I have a thought, doesn’t mean it’s true.

How this affects my life today

It is amazing to experience how it is indeed possible to heal. After decades of inner work, I reached the point where it became crystal clear that this chapter of my life was finished. This does not mean I’m totally out of the woods, but I have gained enough understanding to navigate my way through challenging times and I have built myself a foundation on which I can stand.

What happened that made me want to change and why

It was back in 2020 when my knee dislocated while I was out grocery shopping. This had happened many times before, but for years I had managed to protect myself by staying away from running or any high-impact sports. The fact it had crept into a daily life activity made me realise I was no longer safe and if I wanted to be able to move without fear, I would have to change something! This was the beginning of my journey towards building strength and reviving my joy in movement.

What I explored and discovered along my journey of change

I started off doing some serious ground work with an excellent physiotherapist from my local town. I liked that he took a holistic whole body approach, analysing my weak points and helping me in building up strength slowly. I remember how amazed I felt when I could feel muscles forming in my butt – I actually started to have glutes! My training changed how I walked, the way I stood up from a chair or managed a flight of stairs. There were times in the past were I would descend sideways, because I couldn’t trust that my legs would hold me. The difference it made was incredible, not just physically but I gained so much more energy as well. By then I felt truly grateful for that wakeup call back in the grocery store!

After 6 months it was time to move on from physiotherapy, and to find an activity I could fall in love with and make my own. I decided to join a yoga studio nearby and very much enjoyed the energy in the room. With Covid still a vivid memory, being together with other people was a much-needed change and a welcomed experience. I tried a variety of yoga classes and noticed how it helped me to get stronger and become more flexible, but also how it positively affected my mental health. In yoga these two things became one: movement – to increase strength, flexibility and energy flow; and the practice of being in the present moment – tuning into the sensations of my body, focusing on my breath, allowing my mind to calm down and find rest.

By getting down on my mat regularly, something started to shift. Disconnection became connection to body, mind, and spirit. And with it came a sense of gratitude, of compassion and curiosity. My interest was piqued, and I wanted to learn more.

How I overcame small and big challenges

I’d like to share that despite all these benefits, my journey of change towards greater movement came with its up and downs. Changing habits and thought patterns is not easy and more than anything else I had to practise on how to start again. Weeks could go by without doing any yoga or other types of exercise, and there were days on which my greatest battle was to show up. Sometimes the busyness of life simply took over, or the right mindset just wasn’t there; and it took a while to get back on track.

To help me stick with it, I decided to challenge myself by becoming more mindful: during or shortly after each yoga practice I was to notice one moment of joy and write it down! By now I have a whole collection of these moments of awareness, some of which I share in ‘Moments of Connection’ – Moments of Joy. They remind me why I do it, and what I love about it, and inspire me to keep going.

How this affects my life today

I’m so grateful that by falling in love with yoga I have found a way to move my body. Sometimes more mindful and slowly, sometimes more energetic and strong; while at the same time I practise to stay connected to myself. It’s really the dream combination for someone like me! On days were my mind feels so heavy, I can still get down on my mat and let my body take over. What really helps me to keep up this practice and continue to feel well (most of the time) is that I don’t need to shout at myself: “Do your strength training! Do your workout!”, which would never really work for me anyway; but instead I can shift my focus on finding just a little bit more inner spaciousness. Expanding on the inhale, releasing on the exhale. That already does an awful lot.